Incognito

Ha! That was fun.  ~  You other Dads have done it, too, right?  As I saw my 2-yr-old about to enter my office, I threw on a disguise, and he looked at me as if to say, "Umm, I think I know you, but I'm not sure I want you to get very close ...."   He was bold enough to shake my hand; and then when I pulled off the mask, he & I both laughed.

Does God do that, too, sometimes?  Something crazy in your life makes you wonder, "Is God doing this?  Or am I just the victim from some silly decision I made somewhere?"  Then when everything works out in some surprising way, God pulls off the disguise, and we both laugh.

Take me tired; I'm home.

hark Mere: Been a post since I've whiled something here, and I shouldn't probably now, since I didn't get much night last sleep.

Hilarity in Parody: Redemption of Music

Running a couple errands with my 8-yr-old and 2-yr-old sons, scanning through the minivan's radio, searching for some fun songs, a popular song (to some) from a while back came on the heavy metal. Before the singer (if you wanna call him that) began, my 2-yr-old was already boppin' his head. (Frankly, I was enjoyin' it, too.) But before long, the singer was saying something about "a fast machine ... with those American thighs" who was "working double time on the seduction line."* Um, I'm pretty sure my sons weren't quite catchin' it all; but neither did I want my sons runnin' around the house all the next day, singing, "YOU -- shook me ALL - night - long ...."

I also happen to enjoy some of the music performed by a few other ungodly professionals. Douglas Wilson has said, if I understood correctly, that we'll likely still be singing Handel's Messiah even after the resurrection. -- Now that's a song that doesn't need redemption: no accompanying "ahem" or guilt. -- Douglas Wilson has also said that "whatever the world can do, the church can do, five years later and worse," which, if I understood correctly, means the world can do some things better, including making music that's fun to sing very loud and bop your head to while riding in an automobile. But when the lyrics are shameful, one finds himself wondering how this song might be redeemed so as to be enjoyed ... perhaps even after the resurrection.

Enter ApologetiX. These Christian musicians do a great job rewriting, reproducing, reforming, redeeming, ... well, just check out for yourselves these parodies of
AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" or
The Everly Brothers' "Wake Up Little Susie" or
Great White's "Once Bitten Twice Shy" or
Michael Jackson's "Smooth Criminal" or
... a whole bunch of others ...
and have fun.

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* - "You Shook Me All Night Long," AC/DC. (Back in Black, 1980.)

Was Peter Piper a Thief?

Likely, they grinned, coolly yet leeringly, as they first rehearsed it for you:
...........“Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.”

– It sounds so innocent, doesn’t it? Almost fun! – But have you ever considered: Perhaps Peter Piper picked that peck of pickled peppers from someone else’s pickled pepper patch? Was Peter Piper a thief?

Now I certainly don’t wish to start rumors that threaten another’s honorable reputation; but neither do I wish to pass on to my children the baton of desensitization toward the eighth commandment. If Peter Piper was a thief, my children need to know the truth.

My suspicions are not entirely indefensible. Children often pick up the habits of their parents, right? And sometimes they even take them to the next level, yes?

Well, we’ve heard it said that
...........“Tom, Tom, the piper’s son,
.............Stole a pig and away he run ….”
But is that really where the apostrophe belongs? Is Tom-Tom the piper’s son? Or is he the Pipers’ son (as in the son of Mr. & Mrs. Peter Piper)?

Now we know that Tom-Tom was a thief; the rhyme specifically tells us so. And he stole a pig, which is a rather large item. We know that. So adding the argument that children can take their parents’ bad habits to the next level, we begin to see that maybe, just maybe Tom-Tom’s dad – Mr. Peter Piper? – was also a thief. Perhaps he did not steal large items, like pigs. Perhaps he only stole small items, … like pickled peppers.

******** (At this point, you should just quit reading and scratch yer head ….) *******

.........

Perhaps we should petition Congress to allocate a little stimulus money toward an investigation of this matter. Heaven knows that it’s been used for less worthy causes.

A Few Good Standing Pissers

(Ignore the YouTube uploader's title;  it's inaccurate.)

Poems That Don't Rhyme

Do you ever get frustrated with poems that don't rhyme where you want them to? Here's a litmus test for ya:

Spider, spider, on the wall,
Don't you have any sense at all?
Don't you know that wall's just been plastered? --
Get off of there, you dirty little spider!

Or how 'bout this song ...

Matches, matches, M-A-T-C-H-E-S;
Matches, matches, M-A-T-C-H-E-S.
You can strike 'em on wood, you can strike 'em on glass;
Once I even knew a girl who could strike 'em on her shoe.
Matches, matches, M-A-T-C-H-E-S.

Doggies, doggies, D-O-G-G-I-E-S;
Doggies, doggies, D-O-G-G-I-E-S.
Two little doggies were lyin' in a ditch;
The one was a male, and the other was a female.
Doggies, doggies, D-O-G-G-I-E-S.

Don't Hug a Tree-Hugger

Save a Tree -- Don't Wipe!


(Sponsored by P.E.T.A. - People Eating Tasty Animals)

Gospel from The Princess Bride

.......A good story is good because it resembles the best story, which is, of course, the gospel of Christ’s kingdom redeeming the world as seen in history. A princess is separated from her Lover, Who promises to come, rescue her, and make her His bride. But the rescue involves swords, disguise, battles with giants, challenging the apparent authority, overwhelming odds, even torture. And alas! the Princess loses all hope when her Rescuer is unexpectedly killed. But can death stop the true love of the Lord Jesus Christ for The Princess Bride?* If we ignore for now some possible irreverence, what semblance of hope, truth, and good character may we find in The Princess Bride in comparison with God’s story?
.......Many men want to know, like Fred Savage’s character in the movie, "Is this a kissing book?" But the storyteller arouses us with descriptions of "fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles." Buttercup doesn’t expect to be swept off her feet by one who has always served her. But her discovery of the real meaning behind his expression, “As you wish,” may be compared to the believer’s discovery of God’s passionate intentions manifested through His abundant grace.
.......Then the Man must go away for a while. But He promises, “If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also” (John 14:3). Again he assures her, “Here this now: I will always come for you.” When she asks, “But how can you be sure?” he responds, "This is true love. Think this happens every day?"
.......And, sure enough, he does come for her, but not as expected. And though it may seem “inconceivable,” He doesn’t get thrown from a cliff by His enemies. Instead he snatches the princess away from her captors for a short while, only to be captured himself and taken into the Pit of Despair – the Garden of Gethsemane. Life is sucked out of our hero through torturous means; a great cry spreads throughout the world. The last glimmer of hope is provided by the miracle worker, who has reason for a vendetta against the prince of this world. A little time passes; a Maximum Miracle occurs. Our hero lives!
.......However, despite her best efforts and intentions, it seems the princess is bound forever to be separated from her true love because of the “mawwiage” forced upon her by the mal-intending prince. But all is restored when the false-hearted prince is bound, a father is avenged upon the death of the SOB, a successor is named to carry on the redeemer’s work, and the princess bride is reminded that “there is a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. ‘Twould be a pity to damage” hers.
.......So whenever the Bride is tempted to doubt her Lord, saying, “Where is the promise of his coming?” (2 Peter 3:4), we will remind her of what he says: “I told you I would always come for you. Why didn’t you wait for me?” And when she says, “Well, … You were dead,” we will again show her that "death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while." After all has been restored and the two lovers are reunited to live happily ever after, it will be told throughout the ages that "since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure, –- this one left them all behind." We will finally be convinced that, however great might be “a nice MLT –- mutton-lettuce-&-tomato sandwich –- when the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe – tht-tht-tht! they’re so perky; I love that,” –- “true love is the greatest thing in the world!”

* - The Princess Bride, written by William Goldman, presented by Act III Communications, produced by Andrew Scheinman and Rob Reiner. (copyrighted 1987 The Princess Bride Limited. MGM Home Entertainment, 2500 Broadway, Santa Monica, CA 90404-3061.)

So you think you know the Bible, do ya?

A country preacher went looking for a job. The interviewing committee finally interviewed him. They asked him, “Do you know much about the Bible?”
The preacher said, “Oh, yeah. I know the Bible through and through.”
“What’s your favorite book?” they asked.
“My favorite book is Mark.”
“What’s your favorite part?”
“My favorite part is the parables.”
“Oh, yeah. What’s your favorite parable?”
“My favorite parable is the one about ‘The Good Samaritan.’”
“Can you tell it to the committee?”
The preacher replied, “Yep. It goes this way:
“Once there was this man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among the thorns; and the thorns sprung up and choked him. And as he went on, he didn’t have any money, and he met the Queen of Sheba. She gave him a thousand talents of gold and thousand changes of raiment, and he got into a chariot and drove furiously.
“He was driving so furiously, he drove under a Juniper Tree, and his hair got caught on the limb of the tree. He hung there for many days, and the ravens brought him food to eat and water to drink. And he ate 5,000 loaves of bread and 2 fishes.
“Then one night, while he was hanging there asleep, his wife Delilah came along and cut off his hair, and he dropped and fell on stony ground. But he got up and went on, as it began to rain. It rained for 40 days and 40 nights; so he hid himself in a cave, and he ate locusts and wild honey.
“Then he went on until he met a servant who said, ‘Come; let’s have supper together.’ But he made an excuse and said, ‘No, I won’t. I married a wife and cannot go.’ So the servant went out to the highways and the hedges and compelled him to come in.
“After supper, he went on and came down to Jericho. When he got there, he looked up and saw that old Queen Jezebel, sitting high up on the window; and she laughed at him. So he said, ‘Throw her down, out there!’ And they threw her down. Then he said, ‘Throw her down again!’ And they threw her down 70 times 7. And of the fragments that remained, they picked up 12 baskets full …, besides women and children. – They say, ‘Blessed are the PIECE-makers.’
“Now, whose wife do you think she will be on the Judgment Day?”

The original source is unknown, but we copied this from listening to a sermon delivered by Ravi Zacharias of Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (http://www.rzim.org).